there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
