Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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