Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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