I hate your face
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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