ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
