I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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