remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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