I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
