Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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