the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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