I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
