just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
