im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
