I have demons in me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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