Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
