Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
