Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry about my life...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
