I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize