Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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