I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
