Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
