I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
