She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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