dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
