***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
