Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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