i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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