He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
