just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
