Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
