I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
