i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
