My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
