Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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