I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
