worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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