We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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