hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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