but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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