im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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