i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
