If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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