Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize