you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
