You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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