I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
