So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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