so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
