sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
