Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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