your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
