I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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