4 words: hood of his car
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
