Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.

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(703): View more from Virginia

today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.

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(516): View more from New York

well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks

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(817): View more from Texas

Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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(936): View more from Texas

I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night

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(719): View more from Colorado

Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad

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(479): View more from Arkansas

If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.

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