You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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