i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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