i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You ruined the universe
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
