no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
