Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
