Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize