we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
