Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
