last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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