Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
