And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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