My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
