Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
