Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
