whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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